I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize