we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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