hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
