i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
