when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
