nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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