Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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