I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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