Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
