nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize