im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
