mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
