At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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