You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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