Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
