it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
