I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
