Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
