'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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