i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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