if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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