i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
