I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
