And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
