just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
