My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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