I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize