I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
