I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
