He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
