Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
