Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
