I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
