I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
