you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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