im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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