end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize