I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
