I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
