I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
