Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
