If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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