I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
