I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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