He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
