I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
