I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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