roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
