whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
