My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
