hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
