I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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