You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't turn off my feet"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
