You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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