why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
