Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i out mim tonsoeep
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