mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
