you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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