and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
