proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
