So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
