i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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