where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
