I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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