I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
