just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dick very happy bro
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
