Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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