I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
