ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
