im six kinds of drunk right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
