Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize