My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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