Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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