is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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