i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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