she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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