Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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