I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
