I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
