she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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