But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How does one acquire holy water?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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