he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
