The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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