He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
