Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
