somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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