I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
