The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
