I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize