he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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