Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
