i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
