Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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