So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
