Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
