I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
