Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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