it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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