I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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