I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
