I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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