I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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