her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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