hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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